i’ve been thinking about this blog post for awhile, it’s been on my heart. but i put a “due date” on it. i planned on finishing out this year soul searching and pursuing Jesus to my greatest ability, going under the radar and really focusing on myself. which I have, but in the process I’ve lost the big picture. I’ve been so focused on how others were going to view me. I had tunnel vision for my future that i wasn’t focused on the present. i was anxious, confused, insecure, stressed out…etc. I was hopelessly searching for something that I already had. I couldn’t comprehend Jesus’ love for me because I wasn’t loving myself. I was distracting myself with Christlike activities without actually dealing with myself and getting deep with Jesus on a real personal level. I was trying to live up to this image in my head that didn’t really exist. This kind of thinking had never ruled over me… I was always confident in Gods goodness and trusting in his plan but getting closer to Him made the devil work harder in me and it wasn’t till I realized that and realized who Jesus really is to me that everything changed. This is why i’m posting this NOW and not waiting for something miraculous to happen in my life….i’d be waiting forever. Something miraculous IS happening in my life. Now is the time to do things. Now is the time to love. Now is the time to trust. Now is the time to realize Jesus is King.
I’m sure we are all fully aware of Kanye West releasing his new album, Jesus is King. It’s sooo good and the message is even better. If you haven’t heard it then you need to hop on that train.
I saw a quote that Kanye said about the release of the album in regards to the hate that he has been getting from Christians specifically,
“There was a time I was letting you know what high fashion had done for me. I was letting you know what the Hennessy had done for me,” he said, “But now I’m letting you know what Jesus has done for me, and in that I’m no longer a slave. I’m a son now, a son of God. I’m free.” -Kanye West.
I’m so happy and proud that Kanye has realized who Jesus is and what He can do for you. Letting Jesus be known is the whole point of this earthly life, to love one another and let the Gospel be known. I’m overjoyed that Kanye has realized that and that others know of the goodness of Jesus Christ.
I have had the same sort of realization recently and I just want to shout it from the rooftops!! I’m free.
It hasn’t been easy or clear whatsoever but God is in the coincidences, he’s in the little things and its when we finally sit still and let Him speak to us that we can finally understand the purpose for which we are made and what it really means to be free and find freedom in Christ.
the last couple of months have been weird though..it’s like I’ve been anticipating something that was never coming. I’ve been feeling all the emotions and none at the same time if that can even make sense. I have been the closest i have ever been to God, but at the same time so mentally incapable of understanding what that meant.
in becoming so close to God I found myself becoming more insecure, weird right?
“the closer you get to God the harder the Devil is at work”
the devil was ultimately stealing my joy and making me question if I was adequate enough to proclaim the gospel and let it be known to other people. I was feeling pressured to be liked and heard by everyone.
God was calling me but my self image was being found in how other people viewed me. i was so honed in on figuring out my purpose and trying to reach the mountain top of being a “good” christian that i was rushing the process. i was putting so much pressure in how other people would view me or react if i started living my life for the Lord so I thought i had to be this “perfect” person before I could publicly proclaim that I’m only living and breathing because of Jesus Christ.…”BUT God??” I would say…
how will other people think of me? what about my past? what about my future plans? what if I’m not bold enough for this? what if I’m not confident enough for this? am i really cut out to spread your word? bc idk if He would want someone like me….
these thoughts were flooding my head all while I was simultaneously reading my bible everyday, listening to literally nothing but worship music, joining a small group, starting an internship at a church..I had prayed for these things for. so. long. yet I was so focused on the finish line of them and how other people would think of me and wanting to be that “perfect” developed Christian already that I couldn’t appreciate the blessings I was being granted in the now. i was in a rush for something that took time and effort. I wasn’t appreciating the beauty of them right now. new beginnings and new opportunities were planted in my life that JESUS had literally handed me in my hands that i had completely overlooked. I had everything I needed and prayed for but I was so caught up in the thoughts of others that I wasn’t focusing on the actual truth of Jesus Christ and who he is.
It wasn’t till recently that I realized I had to simply just let myself be and let God just be God in my life to really see the whole picture and accept that I am worthy.
I am called. I am chosen. I am LOVED. I am equipped. I am trusted. I am a daughter of the King of Kings and I am choosing to step out of the comfortable and into the uncomfortable, into the change that Jesus Christ brings. Theres nothing easy about Gods way on a broken plant but I believe that by being honest with each other and lifting each other up, by simply LOVING each other is the point of all this.
I have chosen to be confident in that. The spirit of God doesn’t give us a timid spirit but one of POWER, LOVE, and SELF-DISCIPLINE. I was trying so hard to take on the role of a Christian without actually trusting God. The moment you take a stand you’re a threat to darkness and saved. Be a light. Choose the good fight.
“You’re in a dangerous/miserable place if God is in your life but you’re still calling the shots.”
Thats been a constant in my life the last few months. I’m so so glad that by the Grace of God and through the Holy Spirit those chains have been broken. I feel so free, ready and equipped. Your kingdom over my kingdom. Don’t feed the life you don’t want.
“Your job isn’t to make people believe in God, it is just to tell them about God and his love and the Holy Spirit will do the rest”
This is all I am trying to do. Let the Gospel be known.
“God will give you the favor you need for the season you’re in to accomplish the purpose in which you’ve been given.”
I’m all in. I’m trusting the Lord. Resting in the slow seasons. Thy Will be Done. God doesn’t call the qualified, he qualifies the called. He loves each and every one of us so very much. We are more than equipped with everything we need to live a holier, Christ centered life. Being vulnerable is hard but I believe it is necessary. Discipline yourself to do so. Thank you for reading this if you did. I’m not quite sure my reason for writing it but i felt it was time to publicly proclaim it and be confident enough to own it. I know i’ve posted about my faith in the past but this is different.. Jesus this is for you. And if you’ve ever been in a position like this or don’t feel loved just know that you are. Jesus LOVES you. I love you. Spread love. I’m here if you ever need a friend. xoxo. For Him. JESUS IS KING!!!!!
some verses on my heart:
Romans 15:20 & 22 “it has always been my ambition to preach the gospel where Christ was not known, so that I would not be building on someone else’s foundation……this is why i have often been hindered from coming to you”
1 Timothy 6:12 “fight the good fight of the faith…”
James 4:10 “humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up.”
Philippians 1:6 “being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus”
literally all of Romans 8 — if God is for us, who can be against us ???