it’s selfish szn !!! / under construction

IMG_1855okay first of all, WHAT. THE. FRICK….

it’s been over a whole dang YEAR since i’ve written a blog post !!!! soo, welcome back !!!!! I’ve been out of the groove of writing for so long, so lets just jump into it..


Change is inevitable, we know that, it is going to happen and without it we stay in a stagnant place in our lives. Change brings on new seasons, new people, new experiences and just a whole bunch of newness. Change can be seen in a negative connotation to some and to others it can be seen in a positive connotation. I really think it just depends on where you’re at in the situation or season of change to tell how you will perceive it.

A lot of change has been happening in my life right now, like a LOT. I wanted to write this blog post to walk you guys through the steps of my change and where I’m at in hopes to encourage or shed light or just be a relatable, real source for whoever is reading.

So, this summer I stumbled upon a realization that what I was doing was not satisfying my soul. It’s actually really weird, but cool to come back on here and re-read old blog posts and see where i’ve come from and where i’ve been. My last post (in 2017) I was talking about feeling lost and out of place and like I wanted to experience and take in all of these things, but something just wasn’t clicking. The reason I haven’t written anything else since that post is because I have felt that way ever since. This summer it finally clicked and I realized I was feeling so lost and unsure of myself because I wasn’t doing anything truly fulfilling. Yes, I’ve had a great life and amazing experiences that I wouldn’t change for anything, but there was always that one thing missing. I think this summer I realized that the thing missing was the most important thing ever, my homeboy Jesus !!!!! How could I have forgotten about him and left him so far behind? Because I was in pursuit of my own desires and what I thought would be fulfilling. What a scary place to be in. My life has just ultimately felt dull and so incomplete until this summer when I rediscovered my love for Christ and his CRAZY love for me.

I’ve wanted to write this blog post for a long time and get my thoughts out there, but its hard to express all these strong feelings and thoughts when you feel unqualified and aren’t an expert yet in what you’re talking about. I think thats what I’ve struggled with the last few weeks, just finding my words and knowing how and when to use them. I’m still “under construction” but I still want to share these things in hopes it would touch or also change at least one person. I thought that I would share this post once I’ve “fixed” myself so that others can see where I’ve come from, but I also think it’s really important to share the process and where you’re at now. #keepitrealboys Only focusing on the end goal will take away from the beautiful steps you must take to get there. Tunnel vision can get a little dark and scary, so I’m here with a flashlight of insight to hopefully guide a few lost minds like mine.

so lets begin….I came to these realizations because I finally unplugged and took the selfish time needed to address and asses my issues. I think we often put the act of being alone in this box labeled “LONER” or “SECLUDED UNHAPPY PERSON” when that shouldn’t be the case at all !!!! We as a society have placed such a bad connotation attached to being alone that it almost can’t be seen as a good thing.

Let me just tell you this : loneliness is necessary for self improvement and self growth.

And i’m not saying go lock yourself in a room until you feel better, but when is the last time you truly sat down alone with no outside distractions ? no social media, no music, no tv in the background, no friends around, complete solitude !!! If you haven’t done that in a while, i strongly suggest making a little time to be selfish and secluded. You don’t have to justify yourself or your actions to anyone. It just really helps you become self aware and confident in who and what you are and who and what you need. Our generation is so influenced by outside voices that hardly anyone has a voice of their own anymore. It’s hard to determine who you are when a million people are trying to tell you who to be. Isolating yourself and asking yourself real questions will reveal your true desires and heart to yourself. If you’re feeling lost or broken, you might just need some alone time to figure out what to do to help yourself. Listen to your own thoughts and desires for once, instead of scrolling through social media and doing what everyone else is doing.

But let me back up real quick and say that I was not practicing what I just preached (^^) last year. I never made time for myself and never listened to my own heart or needs or wants. I was going along with the crowd, I was investing myself in places and people I didn’t need to be investing myself in, I was trying to fit in places I wasn’t made to fit and I was pouring so much of myself into other people that I truly forgot who I was and what I wanted. If thats you today, please just take a step back and realize 1. Who’s you are (Jesus) and 2. What are YOUR needs and wants? not your friends or your moms or your dads, but what is it that you want to pursue?

It is so so easy to get caught up in earthly desires and earthly pursuits in the society and culture that we live in. It’s so easy to get caught up in comparison and self doubt when we have the whole world trying to out do one another on social media. It’s so easy to give into worldly thoughts. The past year I was investing so much of myself into the image I created online and through social media that I lost and couldn’t grasp who I really was. I was feeling so paranoid and unsure of how other people perceived me because I truly did not know who I was. Once I realized that a ton of things started falling into place. You know the quote “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it” well what happens when you clearly can see something is broken ??? you fix it !!! when you realize that the life you’re living isn’t the life you intended or hoped for then its time to change it. That is what I realized this summer…that I CAN fix my brokenness and change my actions to pursue a life worth living and a life I was proud and happy about. I was so fixated on building my outward image that my poor neglected soul was withering away. Building yourself up from the inside will reflect the growth on the outside as well. A firm foundation goes much further than a shell built on half truths and people pleasing.

“Your greatest need is to clean out the enormous mass of mental and emotional rubbish that clutters your brain.” -unknown

What is it that is holding you back or keeping you from living a life worthy of the calling God has placed on your life? Whatever it may be I hope that you can rest in this verse.

“For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” Ephesians 2:10

Wherever you’re at right now just know that God has more in store for you. Whatever season you’re in just know that more is coming, better is coming and you have all the capability to make a change and build a better life, ESPECIALLY with Jesus on your side, let me tell ya !!!!! That was a game changer, He is a game changer and I’m praying for all of the lost souls out there who also need a little encouragement! If you’re reading this i love you, Jesus loves you and I hope you’ve had the best day/night/evening/morning ever


until next time,, hopefully sooner than a year !!! XOXO





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